Sunday, April 20, 2008

Table Talk and 100 Years

Our family went out to dinner tonight, and my son, who loves family as much as anything, was sitting at the head of the table. I whispered into his ear, "You know, Logan, I love you so much! I am so happy that you are five, and I am so proud of you. I'm very glad you've had two wonderful days with all of our family here," or some such thing that made him happy. So, he turned to me and whispered into my ear,

"I love you so much because there is so much to you."



Wow.

I certainly got misty from that one! His comment, which I instantly shared with the table, sparked an Operator-type game where each person had to tell the person next to them something they really liked about the other person.

Let me tell you something I like about Teagan! After movie theater popcorn during our Namma/Aunt/Mommy/Teagan day, we popped into an Eddie Bauer where I tried on several sale items and purchased three. Teagan was very helpful in the dressing room, removing shirts from their hangers and handing them to me. She has never been clothing shopping with me before, and she was fully absorbed in the experience. As we chose items off the racks, she began thumbing through them, too. As I was changing into one outfit after another, she tried to put the clothes on herself, as well. A large peach sweater over her little frame--it was so sweet to see her display her feminine nature. Then I told her we could take her to try on some clothes at a little girls' shop. As soon as I checked out, she said, "My clothes now," and we followed Namma to Talbot Kids. I found several preppy pieces and held them up for her approval--but she was not interested. She had picked her own shirt. With three hangers in her hands (she refused mine or Namma's assistance), she confidently marched into a dressing room. Namma tried to help her take off her own shirt & try on the new one, but she insisted she could do it herself and then told Namma, "Me wan' pri'cy." My mom gave her that privacy, with her jaw to the floor (mine too!). I used the digital camera to spy on her under the door as she struggled with, but pulled on, that long-sleeved peach shirt. It took her a couple tries, but she refused either of our assistance.

She opened the door with very little outside help, and proudly stood before us in just her pull-up and her chosen top. I was taken aback! For crying out loud, she's not even 2 1/2!! She had already made clear to my mom that the skirt Mom tried on her was too tight, so Mom ran off to find a better match. Teagan sat on the floor and stuck her tennis-shoe clad feet into the skirt (solo, of course), and then stood before us as the perfect picture of beauty.

I remember the day Teagan was born--how awestruck I was. She had this delicate baby's breath, and everyone instantly saw in her the same quality that Namma and I felt--like magic! My dad said she sounded like a bird when she breathed. Her silent nature, so peaceful, so balanced, is precisely what my family needs. She has brought a necessary perspective to me that causes me to slow down so I don't miss her. Today, as I watched her grow up in about 10 minutes of independence, I hid myself in the dressing room & wept.

I was helped along by the wonderful Five for Fighting song overhead, "100 Years."*

Then, at the dinner table later, several minutes after Logan's beautiful compliment to me, my aunt mentioned my grandpa. I got knocked over for the third time in the day. I still miss my grandpa as if he's just left us. More so when we are all together without him, of course. I hate that he is missing Logan's T-Ball experience (which would have caused him to grin from ear-to-ear), and Teagan's unique character, so like my mom (his daughter). Will a day ever pass that I don't think of him, his influence on my life, and how painful it is to live without him?

Not yet.




*I’m 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I’m just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

I’m 22 for a moment
And she feels better than ever
And we’re on fire
Making our way back from Mars

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15 there’s never a wish better than this
When you've only got a hundred years to live...

I’m 33 for a moment
still the man, but you see I’m a they
A kid on the way, babe
A family on my mind

I’m 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I’m heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose yourself
Within a morning star
15 I’m all right with you
15 there’s never a wish better than this
When you've only got a hundred years to live...

Halftime goes by
Suddenly you’re wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
the sun is getting high
We’re moving on...

I’m 99 for a moment
I’m dying for just another moment
And I’m just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

15 there's still time for you
22 I feel her too
33 you're on your way
Every day's a new day

15 there’s still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15 there’s never a wish better than this
When you've only got a hundred years to live

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