Sunday, November 08, 2009

Pregnancy Affirmation

I don't remember how I got on this email list, but I receive a daily Pregnancy Affirmation in the inbox now. Sometimes the expressions are relatively mundane, and I skim them, but today's matched my need perfectly:

Every pregnancy is different.

Yes--every pregnancy is different from one woman to another, and from one baby to another. My labor & deliveries of Logan & Teagan were unique, and Stephen is proving to have his own ideas, too. My mom & I were discussing, today, how much Stephen is in control right now. Well, I know God is ultimately the one in control, but He is working with my son on the date & time of this birth...and I am just a vessel. I have no real say in the matter! I can eat well, take my supplements, drink water & be my healthiest, but I cannot push if pushing isn't appropriate. I cannot hold him in, if I'm not "ready." Stephen will enter this world when he & his angels deem it's time!

This is one of the greatest challenges of pregnancy--to release that need to control all activities in my world. An infant will unravel you with sleepless feedings...jaundice...reflux...colic... There is so very little in my control in the months ahead. While I set a routine in place, and while I retain CALM in my spirit to learn Stephen's needs in balance with our family agenda, I will need to release so much control. Thematic in my Type-A lifestyle!

These are the lessons of the past few days. While we were still in the month of October (12 days ago) I was dilated to 4 cm already, my cervix was at 50% effaced, & Stephen was in a 0-station position in the birth canal. This past Wednesday (4 days ago, 11/4), all of that had progressed to 5 cm, 70%, +1. Since then, I have lost the mucus plug & had "bloody show," plenty of contractions, but no broken bag of waters, and no baby in my arms.

Mom breezed up here as soon as she could (arriving Wednesday night), and like with Teagan's prenatal period, we hurried up so we could wait. The goodness of that right now is that Mom is caring for my older two, who LOVE her time and attention, and I am getting all this freedom to wonder what to do with myself! I have cleaned. I have cooked & baked. I have soaked in a tub. I have taken naps. I've paced, wondering how to sit still and just rest! But, I have had four delicious days of "doing" very little. I've read a few more chapters in a book.

Ahhhhh....Stephen, my sweet, take your time. I'm not rushing you. You are healthy, and you may enter the world whenever you want to--your sister's ready to catch you!



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